Learn To Be Assertive While Avoiding Confrontation

There comes a time when you need to speak up for yourself if people are taking advantage of you or disappointing you. Without standing up for yourself, these people will think their behavior is okay. However, it is always important to keep in mind how you say certain things. After all, you do not want the context to be lost in your tone or choice of words.

Being confrontational is an aggressive form of confronting someone for their actions. This can mean talking to someone without any respect and just for the purpose of feeling powerful and being right. Being assertive is a different story. This type of behavior is when you confront someone without attacking them. You get your point across, but it is said in a way where there is a chance you can still be on good terms.

Here is how you can learn to be assertive while avoiding confrontation.

State the Facts

Let's say you are upset with your friend because you feel they are not making enough time for you. If you take an aggressive approach, it would sound something like "You never make the time for me like you should!" This is generalizing and being accusatory. If you start off a conversation like this, it will turn into a fight with no winner. At the same time, you should let your friend know you are hurt by their actions in order for positive change to come.

Even though you may be right about your friend not spending enough time with you, accusing them of that will only lead to more conflict. Instead, state the facts. Tell your friend how long it has been since you last heard from them. They cannot tell you that you are wrong if you tell it the way it is. This will give your friend something to think about and maybe they will apologize or explain their reasoning.

Express Your Feelings

When anger comes into play, it can cause us to battle with someone and say things we do not mean. We think we mean our words at the moment, but it is only our anger getting out of control. By name-calling or blaming the other person for your emotions, you are only pushing them away.

An assertive approach to confrontation is by telling that person how you feel. Allow it to only be about how that person's actions or words hurt you. This would, again, be stating a fact. Instead of saying, "You're a terrible person for not reaching out to me," say "I have been feeling really sad that I have not heard from you in a long time." This way, your friend will be able to sympathize and know everything comes from the heart instead of through anger.

Come Up With a Plan

It can be easy to make an absolute decision through aggressive confrontation by telling that person you are not friends anymore. This would give you power over the other person by ending it. On the other hand, by making rash decisions like this, you can lose a good friend. You do not want to do or say anything you will regret because you are angry.

If you would like to keep this person in your life, try to find a way to do so. If your friend's schedule is very busy, try to set a day and time when to see each other. Another thing you can do is agree to call or text once a week to keep in touch. By choosing to be assertive, you will keep people in your life and leave them with a deeper understanding of the message you are trying to convey.

If you are still struggling to be more assertive in conversations, speak to a therapist about your anxiety. Reach out today to schedule your first appointment.